Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
