Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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