So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
