You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
