Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
