I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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