Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
there is glitter all over my balls
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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