either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
