Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
