Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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