oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
