Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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