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• (847): View more from Illinois

  everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  How did you even find out?

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Oh.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  How was your 8:30 class today?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Fuhga

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Thank you.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Let's have sex in an apple orchard

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• (214): View more from Texas

  This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.

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• (518): View more from New York

  We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for

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