He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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