when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I skipped work to stalk him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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