so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
