please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
