O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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