my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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