Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wow bdsm is so cute
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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