Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
