it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
