Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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