dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
