Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
