Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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