A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
