If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
