Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Terrible idea I love it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
