so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What a dumb baby whore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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