I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
