i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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