and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
