That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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