i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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