Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
