was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can u get pink eye on your cock?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
