Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
