Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
