What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
