Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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