i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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