GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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