i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
