i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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