Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My ass is underappreciated
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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