after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
