My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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