FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
