party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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